


Wanting and Not Wanting

by suchabeautifuldisaster



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-15
Updated: 2016-04-15
Packaged: 2018-06-02 07:39:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6557962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suchabeautifuldisaster/pseuds/suchabeautifuldisaster
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>back at it again with the bellarke angst, this time in bellamy's POV. enjoy!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wanting and Not Wanting

Seeing her again is like a slap in the face and coming up for air after believing you’d drowned.

 

She is like wanting something you can never have.

 

She is… she is everything he’d never thought he could have, that he’d _want_ to have.

 

She is reckless and kind and brave and stubborn and the blinding light that he, at first…

 

Tried so goddamn hard to extinguish, for hope had always left a bitter taste in his mouth.

 

Hope never made his dreams come true.

 

Hope had smashed his dreams to the ground, making it clear to him,

 

That happiness was never something for him to behold.

 

What if he admitted that he’d found someone,

 

Someone that knew him, really, _truly knew him_ ,

 

Down to his terrible day and the darkness that he’s tried so damn hard to hide.

 

What if that person knew who he was, and told him that he was worthy of forgiveness?

 

What if she looked at him like he could become someone better,

 

Someone who could care about more than just his sister,

 

_"My sister, my responsibility."_

 

Someone who could lead people, not into battle…

 

But to salvation?

 

_“I need you.”_

 

_“You left me.”_

 

He’s sorry, sometimes, for all of it.

 

For all of his terrible days that turned into months after she left him,

 

For all of the blood on his hands, that’s seeped into his skin and stained him forever with the

 

despicable price of it.

 

For holding her hand so carefully in his own, staring into those wide, vulnerable blue eyes,

 

And betraying her within the next second.

 

For he has never forgiven well, and he had always, always done what he thought was right.

  


But falling in love with her went against everything he thought was right…

 

But none of that seems to matter anymore.

 

Nothing… nothing seems to matter anymore, and he realizes, too late, that it’s wrong,

 

Remembers what was said to him, that he would be lost…

 

If only Kane knew that he would always be lost,

 

Because he was only really, truly, _found_ at her side.


End file.
